A loss that was never really mine

Today I thought about you, as I walked around downtown with my aunt. It was a pretty leisurely day, nothing to really attend to, and I wondered what spending a day like that with you would have been like.

After I saw your name on the coroner’s report online, I was shocked. You were the person I hoped might reach out, wanting to meet again once you had things figured out. But I realize now I was probably the last thing on your mind.

You taking your life only four weeks after the first and last time we met was the sad ending to a relationship that never even was.

Although I do wonder, I can’t bring myself to write down my speculations, only you could truly explain. But what I will allow myself is to feel grief over a life that was precious and lost.

And even though we barely knew each other, even though we had no real beginning, you’re still someone I find myself thinking about. From time to time, you arrive in my thoughts... and you stay a while.